If you’ve been following my journey, we have now made it to the “pray” portion.  This portion also falls under “love,” but definitely not “drink.” My history with religion is as follows – I believe in God.  I started going to Sunday School when I was in kindergarten.  My parents weren’t big on church, but they believed we needed to be exposed to it, so they dropped us off every Sunday and peeled out of the parking lot to have an hour of free time.

The rule was that we had to attend Sunday School until we got to high school.  I guess at that point, my parents felt we were old enough to make our own decision about attending or not.  I chose not to continue, but my belief in God has never wavered.

Through the years, I have attended different churches, usually with friends, but I have held onto the belief that my relationship with God is a very personal one, and therefore I don’t feel the need to attend church every Sunday to prove my love.  I also believe in the freedom of religion, that we all have our own beliefs, and we have a right to celebrate them how we see fit.   

How did Bible study come to be?  One of my best friends was raised very differently than I was, not only going to church every Sunday, but fully participating in the church.  She knows the Bible better than anyone I know, she is steadfast in her beliefs, she is super smart, and she gives amazing life advice.  I always turn to her when I need a spiritual kick in the pants.  She invited me to a Bible study a few years ago, which I thoroughly enjoyed {it was a Beth Moore study for those of you who may care} but it was super time consuming and we were all in different states, relying on conference calls to discuss that week’s study.

She came to me a few months ago and asked if I’d like to do another one.  I said yes, because the timing was perfect; this was the next road I needed to go down on this journey.  The subject matter also couldn’t have been more perfect for me – battling comparison.  This is a Nicki Koziarz study on Rachel & Leah.

Here’s the low down – Rachel and Leah are sisters.  Rachel’s the pretty one, and she’s also younger than Leah.  When a man named Jacob falls in love with Rachel and wants to marry her, well, stuff’s about to hit the fan because Leah’s the older one and supposed to get married first. She and her father pull some trickery and Jacob ends up being married to both of them.

Rachel and Leah totally compare themselves to each other all the time. Leah is jealous of Rachel’s looks and the fact that Jacob loves her. Rachel is jealous of Leah’s baby making skills – Leah can make lots of them, Rachel cannot.  With each baby, Leah’s convinced Jacob will finally love her, but guess what?  His heart continues to stay with Rachel.  This was a six-week study, each week having a different “Truth” and a Combating Comparison Verse.

Not all of them spoke to me, but week five did:

Truth – Her Gain is Not Your Loss.

Combating Comparison Verse – “Rejoice with those who rejoice; weep with those who weep.” Romans 12:15

My biggest struggle right now is learning to trust in the process and stop trying to control it.  I need to stop comparing myself and my journey to everyone around me.  I panic when I think of my age and how long it has taken me to heal from this divorce.  I’m finally in a place where I can put it behind me and move forward.  I’m still working on self-confidence which has honestly been a life long struggle.  This is a great verse to repeat when I find myself in a comparison trap.

I have curbed my social media usage tremendously, which helps cut down on opportunities for comparison tremendously.  I’ve never had a problem weeping with those who weep, in fact if you need to weep, I may be the one weeping for you first.  I’ve also never had a problem rejoicing with my friends when they are rejoicing, but I’m now learning to do it with others.  Maybe even people I kind of feel like punching in the face.  I’m rejoicing with them as well.

A few years ago I was stuck in a huge comparison trap.  I had a very good friend who met some new friends and I was in a funk comparing myself to the new friends and complaining about the fact that I felt like I didn’t have any friends.  Wah wah.

Not even joking when two minutes later, the doorbell rang.  My ex-husband answered the door and it was our new neighbor from down the street.  We had met a few weeks ago at a picnic, but never exchanged information.  She was coming to say hello and drop off her phone number.

We talked for a while and when she left, then husband closed the door and said, “Ask and ye shall receive.” That phrase became a bit of a joke in our house after that.  But it’s true.  When you’re ready, the most amazing things show up in your life.  She has now become a very dear friend, and our daughter’s are best of friends, too.

Things are happening and moving in directions I’m very happy about.  Throughout this process, the messages I’ve received have all been similar – whether I’m getting them from a bottle of wine, an Intuitive, a reiki practitioner, or from God himself.  The difference is I’m finally taking the time to listen.

What should I ask for today?