The ladies in my first Bible study enjoyed it so much, we decided to do another one. The one we chose was an Angela Thomas study called “Brave: Honest Questions Women Ask.” I would classify this as a Bible study for the modern woman because it touches on issues we all face today. Even though I am obsessed with nostalgia and forcing my child to watch all my favorite 80’s movies, I am in fact a modern woman.
I have a hard time writing these posts because I never want to come off as too holy {totally not me}, or you should do this {also totally not me}, or you should believe what I believe {I believe in the freedom to believe what you want to believe.} That being said, I want to share my story in case it resonates and maybe you’ll learn something which helps you to change and grow.
Brave is about living your life without fear and insecurity and trusting in the power of God. Sounds so easy, right? Easy it is not, because it means you need to take a closer look at your life and find truth in how you’re living it. It means you need to dig deep. This study reminded me a little of The Wizard of Oz. Angela Thomas is Glinda the Good Witch and we’re all Dorothys on a journey to find inner peace and our true calling.
Worn Out
Since we are modern woman, week one was about being worn out. It seems everyone is worn out these days. I was definitely worn out emotionally when this study started which was making me tired, snappy and shut down. This was a different worn out than the worn out I felt as a new mother, or the worn out I felt when my daughter was younger. On a parenting level, my life had gotten a lot easier, regardless of the fact that I have my daughter the majority of the time. She’s older and self-sufficient.
No, this tired was an emotional hangover from a bad marriage and an even worse divorce which caused a lot of grief. While Thomas addresses the fact we’re worn out, she also talked about “good tired” and what those things might be. Good tired for me is staying up later than normal because of time spent with family or friends. Or catching a 6 a.m. flight because I’m going somewhere, anywhere, and it’s helping feed my wanderlust. I love watching the sun rise from the airport.
This first week we learned to give it up. Let it go. Whatever is currently a burden to you, it’s weighing you down. If you don’t believe in God, then give it to the Universe, but either way, let it go. And then take a nap.
Suffering a Thorn
Week two focused on suffering a thorn. We all have one. I have used prayer, meditation, and avoidance to remove the thorn, but it stayed. I decided after this week my thorn was supposed to be there and the reason would present itself eventually. Changing my thinking about the thorn and viewing it in a new light, made me realize I also had a presence in the thorn’s life.
I’m happy to report my thorn is gone. It’s gone because I no longer view it as a thorn. I view it for what it is, which is a challenge for sure. And when we have a challenge all we can do is work towards a solution which in turn will help us grow {hopefully into a beautiful thornless rosebush.}
Undisciplined
Week three was about being undisciplined. Not my favorite week. I don’t feel that undisciplined, but maybe I’m wrong and it wasn’t my favorite week because I don’t want to realize that about myself. I definitely get stuck in patterns of behavior which cause me to procrastinate and fight change. I push off small tasks and keep pushing them off until eventually I decide I’m never doing them, or I just do them because they’re there for so long and I’m tired of looking at them on the list.
This is where you ask yourself “What kind of woman do I want to be?” My answer is not an undisciplined, worn out one who’s suffering a thorn, that’s for sure.
Being Brave While Feeling Invisible
Week four was about getting past your fears and living brave. Two years ago, I was completely controlled by fear which was causing anxiety, which was no fun. Thankfully, I don’t feel that way today. Tackling your fears is so brave.
We moved into week five feeling invisible. It was the week that had the most impact on me. I feel invisible a lot of the time. I can feel taken advantage of, passed over, cast aside for something “better,” unheard, or unseen. Which causes me to strive for things that don’t matter, sulk or dwell on things, and seek approval from people I shouldn’t be seeking approval from.
I can get impatient with life which can cause me to go down roads I shouldn’t be going down. Which always brings me back to patience and not trying to force or control things while having faith in the bigger picture.
Broken
Our final week was about being broken. Experiencing death, rejection, divorce and single motherhood have left me shattered at different times in my life. And then they’ve left me with scars from wounds I’ve now built walls around trying to protect myself.
I see now like never before how these walls affect my relationships, how they affect how I relate to people and how they affect how I react to certain situations. Hopefully awareness will now help chip away at them.
This study ended in May. In going back and reading my notes, as part of week six, I had written that I had prayed about moving forward, that I was over broken hearts and ready for progress. That night I had a dream about two baby squirrels. Baby squirrels in the spirit animal universe represent having more fun, being more playful, and trusting the process.
Thank you, the message has been received.
Leave a Reply