Dyslexic Heart – Or Being Single{s}

When I was in college, my roommates and I lived in a three-bedroom condo on the second floor.  My room was the first room down the hall on the right.  On several occasions, the person with the same room below mine would play the Singles soundtrack really loud which I could hear creeping up through the thin walls.

I knew there were three fraternity guys who lived downstairs and I always wondered which of them was my soulmate?  Who was the guy who shared my taste in music, lived right below me, who I wanted to be single, and who I hoped would say “bless you” to me when I sneezed?

Dyslexic Heart - Singles

Singles was one of my favorite movies at the time, and I too was known to play the soundtrack really loud from the boom box in my bedroom, which I had stationed on an overturned milk crate.  In case you’re unaware, we had to use overturned milk crates as furniture in the early 90’s because IKEA hadn’t made it to America yet.  At least not where I lived.

That soundtrack was quintessential listening for any Generation X’er.  I think so anyway, but we can argue about that later.  Mother Love Bone Chloe Dancer/Crown of Thorns is an eight-minute masterpiece.  Eight minutes.  The Smashing Pumpkins contributed Drown.  Paul Westerberg contributed Dyslexic Heart.

When I re-watched the 1992 movie it solidified my theory that the dating game hasn’t changed, just the way we play it.  A popular dating spot in 1992 and 2018?  A coffee shop.  Or a bar with live music where you might go to listen to a band cover some of the same songs from that soundtrack, because Pearl Jam.  A young Eddie Vedder even makes a cameo in the film.  In a coffee shop scene.

Besides an awesome soundtrack two star-crossed college students were obsessed with, Singles serves another purpose.

It can be enlightening as it highlights different relationship styles and woes, such as these:

  1. Attatchment Theory – There are supposedly four different attachment styles – Secure, Anxious-Preoccupied, Dismissive-Avoidant, and Fearful-Avoidant.  Since I do want to date again, I will refrain from outing my own attachment style here.  I may have more than one…
  2. Projection – Projection is when you project your own fears/thoughts/misguided emotions onto the relationship. This could be where you have this glorious vision in your mind of what your relationship is, when in reality it’s a piece of shit, you just don’t want to admit it’s a piece of shit.  Don’t project.  See things for what they really are and accept them.  Easier said than done.
  3. Expectations – To put it simply, don’t have any. As soon as you start having expectations, either the relationship won’t meet them, or your partner won’t meet them.  Or you won’t meet them and you’ll beat yourself up for not meeting them.  Just go with the flow and see where things take you and if they’re taking you to a place you don’t want to be, talk about it.  If it can’t be fixed, end it and move on.

Back to the guy downstairs. We did finally meet, when they had a party one night.  My first question was, “Who has the first room down the hall?”  That would be Chandler {he kind of looked like Chandler from Friends.  Also, not his real name since I’m about to Taylor Swift him.}  I wish I could say we were soulmates from the beginning, but the truth was from then on, we saw each other at bars, waved to each other in the parking lot, and listened to each other listen to the Singles soundtrack through thin walls.

Then one day, they all moved, and isn’t it ironic, but that’s when we started dating.  He had just broken up with a girlfriend.  A girlfriend he had failed to mention, which was the real reason we only saw each other at bars, waved to each other in the parking lot…

We dated for a while and then his dyslexic heart sent him back to his ex-girlfriend.  Turns out my expectation that he was my soulmate wasn’t true after all.  The relationship was a piece of shit.

And while he may have been another example of me attaching to the wrong person, he did have some redeeming qualities.  He said “bless you” when you sneezed, and he had good taste in music.

References:

Psychology Today – What is Your Relationship Attachment Style

Psychology Today – Projection and Identity 

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