I’ve declared this year, the Year of Me.  I’m on a Drink, Pray, Love spiritual journey.  Kind of like Elizabeth Gilbert’s Eat, Pray, Love, but with drinking instead.  I’m definitely an eat to live person, and while I will never turn down a steak, I prefer to throw down a good Pinot Noir.  Or a good shot of tequila.  Or a good glass of champagne, or a fancy cocktail.  You get the point.

It’s no secret I lost myself in my marriage and I’ve been working on putting myself back together and accepting this new chapter.  I thought I was almost there, and then I got thrown for a loop, so I realize there is still more work to be done.  I’m back home, someplace I never thought I would be.  I left when I was 19 years-old and didn’t want to look back.

Don’t get me wrong, I love where I grew up, I just never saw my future here.  I did return in my late 20’s to get married and we lived here for a few years before we left again, because I wanted to leave.  And now I’m back.  Again.  It is working out great for my widowed, retired mother and my only-child-of-divorced-parents daughter.

As my good friend said, “Angela Ann you’re Hope Floats!”  I am Hope Floats, although Mr. Big was no Harry Connick Jr.

Here’s where my journey has taken me so far:

Self-Help

When my marriage wasn’t doing well, a lot of the blame was placed on me, and I wrongly took it on.  I turned to self-help books to figure out how I could fix it.  And me.

Write It Down Make It Happen: Knowing What you Want and Getting It– I was gifted this book when I left L.A. and I have written it down and some of it has happened.  I actually really liked this book, and I’ll probably go back and read it again and write down some new stuff, and pray that it will happen.

Self Matters: Creating Your Life from the Inside Out – It’s Dr. Phil and it’s a bitch.  It took me two years to get through it.  There is a lot of work behind this book and you need to go deep.  I did.

Awaken the Giant Within: How to Take Immediate Control of Your Mental, Emotional, Physical and Financial Destiny! – It’s Tony Robbins, so of course there’s an exclamation point at the end of the title. It’s another bitch.  This one was probably my favorite, though.  It also makes you go deep and took me a long time to get through.  But thanks to my work with Dr. Phil, I had already done some of the groundwork on this one.  I reference my notes a lot.

A New Earth Awakening Your Life’s Purpose by Eckhart Tolle – I also liked this one, but some of it is a little too New Age-y even for me.  I did agree with a lot of what he talks about; he focuses on ego and pain bodies that live within us, and how to live in the present.  I can tell you my pain body is out of control right now.

The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts – I wholeheartedly believe in Gary Chapman’s principal.  My ex-husband did not.  I’m reading the singles version right now and interestingly; my love languages have shifted.  While Gifts were my primary love language in my marriage {don’t judge, it doesn’t have to be special, you can buy me a Starbucks and I will think the world of you,} it seems to have shifted to Quality Time now {this one was my 4^th love language in my marriage.  I guess that’s why we’re divorced.  Kidding…}

Getting the Pretty Back: Friendship, Family and Finding the Perfect Lipstick – Okay, this one because it was written by my teenage idol Molly Ringwald.  It’s a little frivolous, but I enjoyed it.  Come on, who doesn’t want to find the perfect lipstick?  And I did get the pretty back.

On top of this, I was also in therapy throughout my divorce until my therapist and I both decided I was in a good spot with a good plan for the future.  But, as we all know, plans change and my plan for the last year didn’t go, well, as planned.  It’s probably time for a tune up.

In the meantime, I’m going to travel as much as possible, enjoy a few libations along the way, pray that I will finally be at peace and have faith that the future will be okay, and spew love and kindness out into the world like a motherfucker.

That’s my plan, anyway.

xoxo