To Catch a Catfish

It’s easy to hide behind your online persona, posting only the most flattering pictures, or the ones that make you look like you’re a lot of fun to be around.  When the reality is you have a zit on your forehead and you’ve been depressed for months.  But because of this, catfishing is now a thing.  I like my catfish blackened, on a bun with a pickle on the side, not staring me in the face on a dating app.

A catfish is someone who creates a fake profile online, often luring you in with their grand life or charming ways.  But, catfish are scammers.  Either trying to phish for personal information, phish for your friendship, or trying to make a connection with someone who normally wouldn’t pay attention to them.  They typically blame societal pressures for their behavior.

To Catch a Catfish

I was recently catfished on a dating app, and to be honest, I thought it was kind of exciting.  Creepy, but exciting.  It didn’t last long because I ask a lot of questions and then when things don’t make sense, I ask more questions.  I figured it out after texting with this person for about an hour.

The first thing that tipped me off was that it was too good to be true.  I’m not putting myself down and I don’t want to brag, but I have caught the eye of Gerard Butler.  However, this guy was ridiculously good looking and super rich to boot.

If you read Bumble Brags – The Hive Has Spoken, you know the types of guys who usually like my profile.  They have big piles of wood in their backyards, not big yachts on the Mediterranean.  We started chatting in the dating app and I found out he lived in Denver and was an oral surgeon.  I know oral surgeons make a lot of money, I’ve paid several of them lots of my own money, but really?  Not enough for the lifestyle this guy was portraying.

But wait, his Dad was from Colorado and his mom was from Paris.  So, he grew up in Paris.  But moved back to Colorado to start his career because his parents chose to retire here.  Hmmm, okay.  He also had a young boy in one of his photos.  His son.  Who currently lived in Paris.  With his mom {not the boy’s mom, the catfish’s mom.}  Because she moved back there with his son after his Dad died.  There was no other way to do it.  Hire a nanny, maybe?  Just a suggestion…

We continued chatting, but anytime I asked a question he clearly didn’t want to answer, he changed the subject.  Like, “What are you looking for on here?  I want a LTR {long term relationship} with the girl of my dreams.  And I only date one person at a time.”  Okay, now we’re done.  Way too good to be true.  Plus, my bar was set pretty low; I only wanted dating.

He suggested we pull our conversation off the app, and he seemed to get pissy with me when I didn’t respond right away to one of his messages.  I decided to do some sleuthing.  He gave me his phone number which was an area code I didn’t know.

I Googled the phone number, which was located in NYC.  He never mentioned NYC.  The number had been reported for making fake IRS calls.  Next, I reverse Google searched one of his photos to find out all of the photos belonged to the Instagram account of an orthodontist in Croatia who had a different name, seemed to be married and yes, lived a large life.

I reported the account and immediately texted all my friends to tell them what happened.  I was kind of upset with myself for not playing along a little bit longer.  Remember before *69 and caller ID, when crank calls were a thing?  When you would get a crank call, and then you would say vile and disgusting things back to them, and they usually hung up because they didn’t know what to do?  Yeah, I should’ve done that.  Instead, I went on with my life.  Others have not been so lucky.

P.S. – If you want to read a crazy catfish story, this one about former Denver Nuggets player Chris Andersen is coo coo for cocoa puffs.

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