Bumble Brags Part 3 or Fifty Shades of F’d Up

The irony in the title of these posts is that there is nothing to brag about, except all of a sudden everyone thinks they’re Christian Grey but really it’s all just fifty shades of f**ked up. My biggest brag this week, I got catfished again on Coffee Meets Bagel. I suspected the catfish, so I kept things simple, not giving away too much information and being slow to respond.

The thing that tipped me off was the supposed MBA from UCLA and the horrible grammar. I get it, not everyone has perfect spelling or grammar, but some of the mistakes were things my 10-year-old knows not to do. Leading me to believe I was probably communicating with some dude in an Internet café in Nairobi.

When I got this message from CMB, I wasn’t surprised:

Bumble Brags Fifty Shades — Bye, bye, bye

Over on Bumble, my last connection deleted me because he was traveling, I was traveling, response times were slow and it was obvious neither of us were really into it. This shit is not for the faint of heart or those with a fear of rejection. OMG, I have a total fear of rejection, so I ask, why do I do this to myself?!

For that reason, I have decided I hate Bumble and I don’t want to participate in it anymore. Of course, I will continue swiping for blog post inspiration and to let the world know there is an overabundance of shirtless, Christian Grey wannabe, single men out there.

Otherwise, I will continue on CMB and Hinge, because they are both working out very well for me {insert eye roll.}

In the meantime…

Laters, Baby

Not only is he in an open relationship ladies, but he’s looking for non-vanilla kink. He’s a vegetarian, so he’ll toss you a salad, and then toss you into his red room of pain.

If he makes you sign a contract for “sex regularly” I’d run the other way. Also, his dog is always with him. And he wants you to remodel his bathroom. But hey, he’ll downward dog with you.