Okay, you know I kind of hate dating apps. I was persuaded by two friends to try Hinge, and I did. Hinge works like LinkedIn, kind of. It pulls single friends of friends, but if there are no matches, it starts going to 2nd and 3rd connections. Kind of “6 Degrees of Kevin Bacon,” only “6 Degrees of Your Facebook Friends.” Theoretically, each person you’re matched with has some sort of connection to a friend of yours.
I had seven conversations going, actual conversations, unlike Bumble where they don’t know how to reply within a reasonable amount of time. Yet, I couldn’t figure out how I was connected to any of these people. On a positive note, so far the profiles I’ve seen on Hinge aren’t bad.
Unlike this shit found on Bumble recently:
The Group Shot:
It’s an entire Rugby team. A dream for some, I however don’t know who I’m supposed to be looking at. I’m annoyed already…
A group of guys wearing pink. Cool. Totally secure in your masculinity, I can get behind that. But who’s the girl? And, again, who am I supposed to be looking at? Don’t post a group shot. They suck.
On a recent trip to Vegas, I hopped on Bumble. Since it pulls from your geographic location I was curious to see what Vegas had to offer. It has threesomes to offer. I immediately started seeing couples, and it took me a minute to figure it out.
Me to my friend, “Holy shit! I keep seeing couples. Don’t you have to set your parameters for that?” She responded, “I see that all the time. Oh, yeah, you live in Denver…” She lives in L.A., which apparently like Vegas, has threesomes to offer.
I was showing her my favorite couple when I accidentally swiped right, Bridget Jones style, and Boom! It was a match! After I peed my pants, I started laughing so hard I cried. Then I deleted the match because they like to “just lay around in comfy clothes on a Sunday watching Netflix.” They were looking for someone to join them, even if it only resulted in a new friend. I like to spend my Sundays getting wasted because this is my life…
This couple, however, was more attractive and seemed far more promising. I mean, in and out of the bedroom activities?! But it wasn’t a match. Kidding…
These two. My first possible threesome in Denver. They’re on Kik. In case you don’t know, Kik is a texting app for kids/teens and was red flagged by every parental watchdog as a hot bed for pedophiles. Not saying that’s what this couple is into, but maybe they should try WhatsApp instead? Just a suggestion… And no, it’s not my cup of tea. I guess I don’t “live in the lifestyle.”
Show me Yours and I’ll Show you Mine
Finally, there’s this guy. I think I love him. Props to him for being 100% honest. And he has manners; please and thank you! He was only in town until Wednesday, and I saw this on Thursday.
Today’s post is dedicated to my married friends who think it can’t possibly be that bad.
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