Break Out of the Brag

Erica, Terri and I used to work together as film publicists.  We are a funny bunch, but really, Erica is the funniest.  I have wanted her to write a blog post for a while now, and I’m so glad she finally agreed!  Enjoy:)


My friend Angela asked me to write a guest blog for her a few months ago and I really debated.  Not because I didn’t think I could come up with a topic, but because I was afraid I would come off as an asshole.  I don’t think I’m an asshole, however I do get really irritated with certain behaviors, and I have little problem voicing my opinions.  I guess if that makes me an asshole, so be it!

I’m on Facebook.  Why?  Just like everyone else, I’m nosey and I like to see what my friends and “Facebook friends” are up to.  I like to know what restaurants are really good and how the latest movie was rated by someone I know and like.  I love to see pictures of my friends and their dogs and kids and grandkids.  I like to read about funny things that happened to someone.  Some things on Facebook truly brighten my day.  I stay-at-home with my kids all day long, so it doesn’t take much.  However, one thing I can’t stand that Facebook provides is an open forum for braggers to brag.

STOP BRAGGING PEOPLE!  STOP bragging.  Don’t think you do it?  I assure you, you do.  I’ll admit that even I {yes, PERFECT little me} am tempted to do it occasionally, but I really genuinely try not to because I am acutely aware of how annoying it is.  It is by far my biggest pet peeve, right up there with one-upping, which will be the topic of my next blog post if I haven’t offended all of you with this gem.

And it’s not just Facebook- I was online the other day on a website looking for basic information about my 1-year-old and scrolled to the comments under the article and found more than 100 statements just like these:

My 17-month old toddler can run and walk really fast. He recognizes people around him including their names. He also knows shapes from circle to heart to hexagon. He is good at puzzles too. He is also learning phonics and letters and can recognize some too. He is showing interest in music too. I soo love my baby boy.”

“My 17 month old son is a very funny boy. He started walking when he was 11 months and is now running, climbing and loves to squat while playing. He has 50+ words in his vocabulary and talks non-stop. He also says and recognizes the numbers 1,2,3,8 and 9 and the letters A,B,C,E,O and T. This really amazes but I read to him everyday since he was born. Two weeks ago he weaned himself from the bottle and formula … At 31 lbs, he eats really good. Before bedtime I give him fruits for his snacks . He is such a joy!”

WHAT?!  Phonics?!  50 words??!, I thought.  My baby says “hot.”  That’s it.  Just “hot.”  And he probably got that word from watching “The Bachelor.”  Do I not read to him enough?  Should I start forcing him to sit and look at flashcards?  This is the fallout from bragging.  Yes, it’s annoying in and of itself, but what it really does is make someone else feel worse about their accomplishments and their life, even if unintentionally.

And never mind that these statements had NOTHING to do with the article {which was about NAPPING}, but I am truly sad for these people’s friends.  Do they have to listen to this kind of bragging every day?  Do these people walk into work each day and seek out random co-workers to spew this kind of information to?  I very much hope not, but judging by the fact that they took the opportunity to post this for strangers to read, I fear the worst for anyone who actually knows them.

Don’t have kids and the statements above don’t annoy you?  How about people who brag about how much money they make, even though they only work from home half a day a week?  Or people who brag about where they’ve traveled?  Or who they “know”?  Or how fast and far they ran?  Or how many times they went to the gym in one day?  Or people who brag about every single thing they buy, conveniently forgetting to mention they are thousands of dollars in debt.  Or (the worst) people who brag about the free stuff they get from people they “know” {otherwise known as “Prize Pigs”}.

No one is perfect and no one’s life is perfect.  I’m not saying don’t be thankful for what you have and I’m  not saying we should all post horrible, negative things online because that’s “real life,” but I am politely asking everyone to cut the bullshit.

If you happen to have a perfect day every once in a while, post it!

If you got a new puppy, post it!

If your child was born, post it!

But, please.  If you just spent the whole morning at the spa, then went to a movie, then ran 22 miles in the snow, and then made a six course meal for your barely working but extremely rich husband who brought you a field of flowers for no reason while your sixteen adopted kids {who only eat organic food and have never had dessert} are sound asleep 8 hours early that day- DO.  NOT.  POST.  IT.  It’s just making the rest of us feel bad that we ate burned meatloaf for dinner while our over-sugared children are using the dog’s vomit as finger paint.

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