Liam Hemsworth, we’re looking at you. We’re looking at you to help steer this train wreck that is Miley Cyrus back on track. You see, your fiancée, who just rubbed her buttocks all over Robin Thicke’s private parts, she’s in trouble. She’s crying for help. She’s sending the wrong message to young impressionable girls. Girls who think the only way to get attention is to act out sexually. Girls who think its okay to stick your face in the backside of a thong wearing back up dancer. Girls who think its okay to ask people dressed as teddy bears to take part in a public display of pornographic fantasy meets reality. I know, I know, they didn’t mind. Obviously, they were on their way to a furrie convention and got hijacked by Miley and her people.
Which brings me to her people – who in their right mind sat in on this pitch at MTV and thought it was a good idea? I picture it going something like this:
“It’ll be great, we’ll have a bunch of furries on stage, while Miley struts her stuff in a nude colored rubber bikini, sticking her butt in the audience’s face, sticking her face in the dancer’s butts, and finally simulating masturbation while wearing a giant foam finger. Oh and wait, the best part? She’ll also use the foam finger to rub Robin Thicke’s junk while he sings hey, hey, hey. And she’ll stick her tongue out like a rabid dog for the entire performance. ”
“Is Robin Thicke okay with this?”
“Sure! This is the same guy who considers woman traipsing around naked in front of fully clothed men, while he sings “You know you want it,” a feminist movement. Of course he’s fine with it.”
“Sounds amazing. Go for it!”
The problem, Liam, is those of us who watched it, well, we can’t unwatch it. It’s etched in our brains forever. But you, you can help her. You can let her know this type of behavior is doing her no favors. Yes, she’s caught right now between Hannah Montana and womanhood, but you, you’re her fiancée. You’re her Han Solo, and you need to rescue Princess Leia and get her off the Death Star.
You need to be the voice of reason in her life, because I’m pretty sure I watched as her mom (or someone who looked exactly like her mom) stood and clapped from the audience at the end of her performance, and call me crazy, but that’s not normal.
Point her in the right direction (preferably without a foam finger) with examples of former child stars who’ve made the transition to adulthood as seamless as possible. Let her know that Jodie Foster did it brilliantly. Dakota Fanning is doing it, and so is AnnaSophia Robb. There are positive role models out there, girls her own age. Let her know that it’s okay to be classy, and being classy makes you more of a woman, not less of one.
Let her know that you love her unconditionally and that you’re there for her. Let her know how talented she truly is. Tell her “No.” Don’t let her have everything she wants. Because it’s clear no one else is telling her these things right now. If you can’t do that for her, or if you’ve already bailed, well all we can do is hope the right people set her in the right direction.
Help her Liam Hemsworth. You’re her only hope.
PS – And to my daughter – don’t you ever in a million years think that acting like this is okay. You are smart, you are pretty and you are important (I’m reading “The Help” right now. It seems appropriate). And you don’t need to shake your butt to prove it.
PPS – Robin Thicke is getting divorced. Shocker.